Late January/Early February of 2013 I went to Pennsylvania to visit my best friend, Ashley, who was expecting her firstborn, a daughter. She was having her baby shower on the 2nd of February and asked if I could lead a "devotional" of sorts with the women who would be there. "I know it isn't traditional for a baby shower," she told me. "But it is so important to me that our daughter is raised under Godly principles, so I want my baby shower to keep a biblical focus." I thought the idea was great, and I naturally agreed and began putting together all that I wanted to share with the women who were going to, in one way or another, impact this little girl's life.
The beginning of February we set our on our second adoption journey. Without going into much detail, we were put in touch with people in Michigan, looking for a family with whom to place their baby for adoption. The baby would come in September and we gladly accepted the opportunity to adopt the coming baby. We told our families about the exciting news shortly after, but I was very hesitant to post anything publicly until, A. Birth mom was further along in her pregnancy, and B. We knew this was a for-sure thing. When we adopted Emmanuel, I didn't post anything publicly until he was around 2 or 3 weeks old. The idea of "putting myself out there" and then having to tell everyone it didn't work out, was terrifying to me. I didn't want to be in that position.
So, I had an interesting encounter Thursday night with my 1 and 1/2 year old. We were playing and I got him a little riled up... not that I ever do that... but, he got a little crazy excited and clawed at my face. Those little baby nails are wicked sharp, I tell you! Anyway, his finger went into my eye and scratched my eyeball. This happened at like 8:30pm. I pretty much closed my eyes around 9pm and couldn't open them again til Friday at around noon.
Friday morning Mitch took me to the health center in town and they took a look at my eye. I didn't sleep Thursday night because I was in so much pain. I know it sounds ridiculous, but a sore eyeball is the worst thing ever!!! I literally couldn't open my eyes. They put numbing drops in my eye so that I could open it for them to look out. It took two nurses to get my eye open enough to put the drops in. They warned me it would burn for a minute, but would soon be numb. My whole body was shaking in pain while they pried my eye open. As soon as the drops hit my eye, my body slowed down. The nurses asked, "doesn't in burn?" I said, "actually, it feels kinda good." They told me normally they have to hold people down because the burning is so bad. I guess the pain of the scratched eyeball was worse.
That January my little sister was getting married. I had never met her fiance, but I was traveling to Northern Michigan from Central New York to be part of the wedding. I hadn't really seen my sister in a year, and, for many reasons, I was very nervous. My sister and I were very close, but had fallen out of touch over that year. The whole story is for another blog post entirely, but, all that to say, I had been afraid that our relationship was never going to be what it was. Some arguments between family members never recover. Thankfully ours did, and we are just as close as we were, if not closer. But I had been dealing with so much on my own that I was very nervous about how I would handle the whole wedding week.
During the month of December of 2012, I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I could pinpoint certain emotions I was feeling, but I was so quick to try and dismiss them without really thinking through why I felt the way I felt. I decided to do some journal-writing that month. First I wrote down the individual emotions that I was feeling, then I took some time to expand on each emotion separately. It has always been helpful to me to write down my feelings. I am not very good at verbal emotional expression, so the best way for me to really process my feelings, is to write. Over the next few posts, I'm going to be sharing some segments of my journal entries from that time, because it does the best job at explaining how I actually felt then, and not just my memory of how I felt.
Thank you for taking the time to check out my page and read little bits about the story The Lord is continually writing for me. I started this page to give myself the opportunity to share with you the things I am most passionate about: Faith, adoption, parenting, health, fitness, art, family, and crazy life experiences.