I went through a long period feeling like wanting kids was a bad thing. I felt like every dream or ambition that I had, people thought, "Why would you want to do that?!" Like it was foolish. So I watched people I loved get excited for everyone who became pregnant, knowing that if it were me, no one would be excited... Or that is how I felt, at least...
So I started learning to respond to questions about growing my family with the attitude of "no way, not yet." Especially during that first year of trying to conceive. I didn't want people to know that I was trying to get pregnant and hadn't yet. I had such a deep desire in my heart to be a mother, and I felt like the world was against it. I know that sounds dramatic. But I felt like the walls were closing in on me. Not only did I want this so badly, and everyone else (it seemed) wanted the opposite, but I wasn't getting pregnant.
Mitch would never tell me about it, but I found out the next day. I know there was nothing malicious in the comment. No one was "out to get me" or hurt me. But it hurt. I felt like the idea of me being a mom was so laughable to everyone but me. The desire to be a mother started becoming the one thing I hated about myself.
We made it through the first year, and I started thinking something was wrong with me, so we decided to get some help.