Charlotte C. Black
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Bringing Home Emmanuel

2/6/2019

2 Comments

 
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I realize I have let this “Bringing Home Emmanuel” series totally drop off. I got on my site in order to continue the series, and saw that my draft for the next part (all I had written was the title, honestly), was created 2 years ago!... almost to the day. Literally, 2 days off. Part of the reason for that has been business, chaos, and lack of motivation. Life has been a roller coaster over the last couple years. Another part of not continuing was emotional. Although the Lord has healed me so much since early in my infertility journey, opening up all those old wounds in order to write my story well and accurately is difficult. It’s hard to sit down and write about a very painful time in my life back to back to back...

But, here I am once again. I have recently had people in my life share that they have read bits and pieces of my story. People have been encouraged from what I have shared. They have shared my blog with people they know who are struggling with the pain and heartbreak of infertility. Although it is difficult to relive these times, I don’t want to forget the hard stuff.
I am one of those people who HATES vulnerability. Don’t get me wrong. I admire vulnerability in others. I crave vulnerability in others. I have found healing through vulnerability in others. I just hate being vulnerable myself. I don’t like showing emotion. I don’t like others seeing the raw painful parts of my life. I feel like I open myself up and expose my heart for the scrutiny and assumptions of others. And I don’t like that. Probably traces back to some childhood trauma... but whatever the deeper explanation, it’s really hard for me.

But a goal of mine for the 2019 year is to be better about writing on my blog. I struggle sometimes with content ideas. But this is a series I had already started, and I have set up to continue. I really feel like I shouldn’t have called the series “Bringing Home Emmanuel.” When I started it, it was so shortly after becoming a mom, that I felt like bringing home our son was the end of the story. But I realize now, 3 1/2 years later, that it is not the end. Infertility didn’t stop when my son was born... duh. I didn’t adopt because I was infertile... so why would my journey end with our first adoption? Obviously, it didn’t.

The Lord began a healing work in me before I even knew about my son. But that isn’t to say I don’t still have my “days.” They just don’t come as often or last as long. It’s not an all-the-time, everyday struggle. I can function much better than I could before. I have come a long way, but we still cannot have children biologically.... that part of the story has not changed.

The way the Lord heals a couple of infertility isn’t carbon copied. It doesn’t look the same for everyone. My healing didn’t result in pregnancy. My healing was totally in my heart, not in my body or my husband’s body. We often hear testimonies of “how God healed my infertility” and the climax of the story is those two lines on a pregnancy test. Those are beautiful stories, but that is not always the case, and that is ok. Just because you don’t get pregnant, doesn’t mean you cannot find healing.

So, this post isn’t exactly the next part in the series of “Bringing Home Emmanuel.” This is more a transition post. I feel like I should call the series something like, “My Journey to Motherhood” or something. I am still on that journey. As we are working on bringing more children into our home, old wounds are triggered and surface, but I have a different kind of hope now than I once did. So, “Bringing Home Emmanuel Part 13” will be continued in my next post titled, “My Journey to Motherhood Part 14”... same series, different title. This will be an on-going story that continues far beyond the birth and adoption of my first son.

So, stay tuned. My hope and prayer is that someone is encouraged through my story. That people will find healing in their own infertility journey. I also hope that more people would be encouraged to adopt and foster children through sharing my own experiences.
2 Comments
Louri
2/7/2019 08:09:39 pm

I love your blogs and getting to know you more through them. You are a very faithful, strong, talented woman.

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Christina link
2/13/2019 10:24:33 am

You are a talented writer, and I am happy to have found your blog. I’m looking forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing your story!!!

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    Char Black

    Thank you for taking the time to check out my page and read little bits about the story The Lord is continually writing for me.  I started this page to give myself the opportunity to share with you the things I am most passionate about:  Faith, adoption, parenting, health, fitness, art, family, and crazy life experiences.

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  • Home
  • About
    • Meet Char
    • Meet Char's Family
  • Blog
    • Adoption
    • Faith
    • Family
    • Health and Fitness
    • My Journey to Motherhood
  • Photos
  • Artwork
    • Character Art
    • Pencil Drawings
    • Watercolor
    • Ink & Watercolor
    • Speed Drawing and Painting
  • Adoption Profile
    • Why Adoption?
    • More About Mitch
    • More About Char
    • More About Emmanuel
    • Our Families
    • Our Cat
  • Contact
  • Store