Mitch and I in Canada during our engagement I don’t even know where to begin… I don’t want to start earlier in the story than necessary, but I also don’t want to start without somewhat of a back story, either. People often have told me that I give a lot of unnecessary details when storytelling, and I don’t want to default to that. However, I think, hey, it’s my blog! I can write whatever and however I want! Haha. But in all seriousness, I don’t want to share so much that you become bored and never make it to the end… because the end is beautiful. First, let me share a very little bit about when my husband and I first were preparing to get married.
One thing that Mitch and I had in common from the beginning was our love for the Lord, a second thing was our love for children. Before we ever became engaged, or even dated, I think, we knew that we both wanted a houseful of children. As we ventured forward toward marriage, we discussed the subject further. We both thought that 8 would be a perfect number. If the Lord gave us more, and we were able to parent them all well, then we’d have more. But regardless, we wanted a houseful of children. We wanted to have a few biological children together, and adopt many more... I think deep down I always looked more forward to adopting than to birthing children. But I really intended to do both. I think I felt expected to become pregnant one day, more than anything.
One thing that Mitch and I had in common from the beginning was our love for the Lord, a second thing was our love for children. Before we ever became engaged, or even dated, I think, we knew that we both wanted a houseful of children. As we ventured forward toward marriage, we discussed the subject further. We both thought that 8 would be a perfect number. If the Lord gave us more, and we were able to parent them all well, then we’d have more. But regardless, we wanted a houseful of children. We wanted to have a few biological children together, and adopt many more... I think deep down I always looked more forward to adopting than to birthing children. But I really intended to do both. I think I felt expected to become pregnant one day, more than anything.
Let me take you back for a moment to my high school days. I don’t share this with too many people because it may seem juvenile, sappy, or even awkward, but when I was in high school I started keeping a journal. It wasn’t your typical journal, though. It was a collection of letters I was writing to my future husband. I left the front couple pages blank so that I would be able to personalize it one day. My plan was to give him the journal the night before our wedding as a gift, which I did.
I never dated before I met my husband, and there are so many emotions and thoughts in the mind of a teenager. I didn’t want to date just to appease feelings I had… I didn’t want just an emotional experience so that I could feel special and wanted for the time being. I wanted to save my whole self for my husband one day. Not just myself physically, but emotionally too. So, I wrote letters. I looked forward to the one the Lord would one day lead me to. I decided to love him now instead of getting caught up in silly present crushes (not to say that I didn’t, I still was 16, after all).
I never dated before I met my husband, and there are so many emotions and thoughts in the mind of a teenager. I didn’t want to date just to appease feelings I had… I didn’t want just an emotional experience so that I could feel special and wanted for the time being. I wanted to save my whole self for my husband one day. Not just myself physically, but emotionally too. So, I wrote letters. I looked forward to the one the Lord would one day lead me to. I decided to love him now instead of getting caught up in silly present crushes (not to say that I didn’t, I still was 16, after all).
2007 About 6 months before we started dating
A little over a year ago now, I was looking back at that journal full of letters, and I ran across one that made my jaw drop. I honestly didn’t remember writing it at all. Many of the letters I re-read, I could remember exactly where I was when I wrote it, but this one…. I didn’t remember at all. It was actually written only a few months before we got married. I want to share it with you (side note: early in our marriage we spent time on the mission field where we worked with orphans):
“62 days until we get married. Right now I am feeling so excited about what God has in store for us. I just want to love on those orphans. Tonight I was thinking and I was wondering if I was unable to have children. Mostly I was wondering if I would still be happy if all I ever got to do was love orphans who were not my flesh and blood children. I would hope I would be. Let’s make a promise that even if God does not bless us with our own children, that we will continue to trust Him, live for Him, and love Him with all we have. It will be hard if that is the way it is, but it will be good because He is good.”
It really was a blessing that the Lord saw fit for me to run across this when I did. I found it and read it almost exactly one month before we found out about Emmanuel.
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