I remember last Mother’s Day, I walked past the gift table for the mothers at church, knowing I would not be taking anything home. Although, all women were welcome to take something, I just felt awkward. I wanted to avoid any and all comments concerning motherhood. A friend, who knew we were in the beginning stages of adoption came up to me, hugged me, and whispered in my ear, “Happy Mother’s Day.” My eyes filled with tears and I felt as though my heart was going to burst. I had never been wished a Happy Mother’s Day before… ever. I quickly rejected the comment, not wanting to become emotional. “I’m not a mother” I said.
“But you will be,” she said. “Maybe not right now, but you will be. You ARE expecting… just in a different way.” I will always be grateful for her words. I tried to look at my situation differently after that. “I am expecting” I would tell myself. My little sister was 4 ½ months pregnant at the time, so the idea of me expecting, when my belly was so flat, my womb so empty, and my heart so heavy, was a very difficult, and deeply painful concept to grasp.
“But you will be,” she said. “Maybe not right now, but you will be. You ARE expecting… just in a different way.” I will always be grateful for her words. I tried to look at my situation differently after that. “I am expecting” I would tell myself. My little sister was 4 ½ months pregnant at the time, so the idea of me expecting, when my belly was so flat, my womb so empty, and my heart so heavy, was a very difficult, and deeply painful concept to grasp.
This year is my 7th Mother’s Day as a married woman, but my 1st Mother’s Day as a mom. Over the past 7 years, I haven’t cared much for Mother’s Day. I always felt very alone and overlooked as I sat in the pew at church and all the mothers were honored and recognized. There have been many Mother’s days where I have avoided eye contact and conversation with people. I just wanted so much to avoid any questions or comments about motherhood. Many Mother’s Days I have just wanted to stay home from church and hide. A place that should feel like home and family… a place that should feel safe, often felt like a mine field for me… especially on Mother’s Day.
When my husband and I started the process for adoption in January of 2015, we hadn’t told many people. I wanted to wait until we were further into the process before anyone, other than close friends and family, knew that we were planning to adopt. I knew the process might be long and exhausting, and I didn’t look forward to the weekly questions of, “so, anything yet?” when I knew I’d have to say over and over again, “nope… could be another year, could be another 4 years… I don’t know.” Waiting can be difficult enough without being prodded regularly...
When my husband and I started the process for adoption in January of 2015, we hadn’t told many people. I wanted to wait until we were further into the process before anyone, other than close friends and family, knew that we were planning to adopt. I knew the process might be long and exhausting, and I didn’t look forward to the weekly questions of, “so, anything yet?” when I knew I’d have to say over and over again, “nope… could be another year, could be another 4 years… I don’t know.” Waiting can be difficult enough without being prodded regularly...
I don’t like to think of this as my “first” Mother’s Day, though. I have had many Mother’s Days where I have had the opportunity to celebrate all the mothers in my life that I love so dearly. I think Mother’s Day was always a day of heartache and emptiness for me because I really was meant to be a mom, but my arms were very much empty. The Lord placed the desire to love children deep in my heart when I was a little girl, and never took it away, even when I begged him to. Just because this year I am a mom for the first time, this is not my first Mother’s Day. Yes, my arms are full this year and the Lord has given me more joy as a mother than I ever thought possible, and I don’t want to diminish this gift, but I don’t like to think of this as my first Mother’s Day. Eve was named the “mother of all living” before she ever had a child. My heart has been that of a mom, long before my son was mine.
Too many women are overlooked on Mother’s Day. I think too many women feel as alone and forgotten on Mother’s Day as I have felt for so many years. Women who have miscarried. Women who have lost a child far too early. Women who are struggling with infertility. Women who regret abortion. Women who made the difficult choice of adoption for their child. Women who are in the process of adopting, but are passed by, while the pregnant woman is recognized as a "mom." Women who grew up with no mother. Women who have lost a mother. Women who grew up in a home with an unloving or abusive mother. Women who have tried to adopt, but the adoptions fell through. Women whose child has run away. Women who have a wayward child and are wondering if there is something they did wrong, or could have done better or different as a mother. Women who have foster children in and out of their homes. Women who are spiritual mothers and mentors. Women who are single, but long to be married with children one day. Women who never had children and regret not doing so, but it’s too late in life to change things. Women who have step-children. Women whose last child has just moved out of the house, and it’s so empty and quiet now. Every woman has a story… and lot of them make Mother’s Day a painful day to face.
I am thankful to be able to celebrate being a mother to my son on this Mother’s Day. I am thankful to be able to celebrate his birth mother on this Mother’s Day. I’m thankful for all the quiet and lonely Mother’s Days that led up to this Mother’s Day. It’s not that this Mother’s Day I finally have something to celebrate, but on this Mother’s Day I have something new to celebrate… something different to celebrate, and to be forever thankful to my Heavenly Father for… for giving me the undeserved privilege of being a mom.
Too many women are overlooked on Mother’s Day. I think too many women feel as alone and forgotten on Mother’s Day as I have felt for so many years. Women who have miscarried. Women who have lost a child far too early. Women who are struggling with infertility. Women who regret abortion. Women who made the difficult choice of adoption for their child. Women who are in the process of adopting, but are passed by, while the pregnant woman is recognized as a "mom." Women who grew up with no mother. Women who have lost a mother. Women who grew up in a home with an unloving or abusive mother. Women who have tried to adopt, but the adoptions fell through. Women whose child has run away. Women who have a wayward child and are wondering if there is something they did wrong, or could have done better or different as a mother. Women who have foster children in and out of their homes. Women who are spiritual mothers and mentors. Women who are single, but long to be married with children one day. Women who never had children and regret not doing so, but it’s too late in life to change things. Women who have step-children. Women whose last child has just moved out of the house, and it’s so empty and quiet now. Every woman has a story… and lot of them make Mother’s Day a painful day to face.
I am thankful to be able to celebrate being a mother to my son on this Mother’s Day. I am thankful to be able to celebrate his birth mother on this Mother’s Day. I’m thankful for all the quiet and lonely Mother’s Days that led up to this Mother’s Day. It’s not that this Mother’s Day I finally have something to celebrate, but on this Mother’s Day I have something new to celebrate… something different to celebrate, and to be forever thankful to my Heavenly Father for… for giving me the undeserved privilege of being a mom.
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